Venom and Cream
by The Fifth Antagonist
Summary: Tian Riddle plans to rule the world, have her cake and eat it too.  AU, gender-switch
1. The Orhanage

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the affiliated merchandise.

Author's Notes: This is a little idea that I had forever and a day ago. It's isn't meant to be taken seriously but rather as a sort of tongue-in-cheek thing. I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: none

* * *

**Venom and Cream**

_The Orphanage_

Tian Morgana Riddle had a not-so-secret love for fairy tales while growing up. When she had turned five, the first thing she did was ask the Matron if they could get a pet dragon. After all, nearly every fairy tale she had heard of had a dragon and if she was to be a good prince, they needed to get one so she could practice. (At the time, Tian was mostly convinced that she was really a boy, if only because she was one of the few who weren't afraid of the dreaded creepy-crawlies and the only one who liked snakes.) It took the Matron the better part of a month to convince the young girl that "No dear, dragons aren't real...and you aren't a boy either, for that matter."

The Matron had then attempted to convince Tian that, as a girl, she couldn't be a prince. That was a man's job. Needless to say, Tian hadn't been amused...and didn't buy it.

By the end of that winter, she had all the girls in her age group calling her "the Prince." Some of the older girls even agreed to it, though they teasingly referred to her as "Princeling" much to her frustration. If the residents of the orphanage knew the sheer amount of chaos this action would later cause the Wizarding World...they probably still would have agreed to it. After all, what did they care about a world they weren't a part of? Absolutely nothing at all, that's what.

And so, for many years, Tian Riddle was the darling of St. Mary's Orphanage for Girls, thus preventing the murder of a helpless bunny, the traumatizing of other orphans, and various other unfortunate mishaps. Although the boys of 46th Avenue would say otherwise, I'm sure. They had a...lapse of good judgment one day and called her a weak little girl before attempting to bully her. The two boys went home with a broken arm, sprained wrist, bloody nose, ten cuts, and various other injuries shared between them. They never were able to get anyone to believe them about what happened that day, namely because they both agreed that she never so much as touched them. But that is another matter entirely.

None of that is to say that strange things didn't occur around the young girl. No one was sure how she always seemed to know where everyone was, or why she seemed to be able to understand the grass snake that had made the orphanage's garden its home. (Tian adored the creature. She nearly gave the Matron a heart-attack one day when she left her room with the snake draped over her shoulders.) Her clothes lasted longer than normal, which was perfectly fine by the orphanage staff, and the same could be said for the rest of her things. Bumps and bruises healed more quickly then they usually might. Small simple things; all easily over looked and adapted to. Except, perhaps, the snake...that wasn't so easy to ignore.

And then one day, Albus of the many middle names Dumbledore showed up...and everything went straight to hell. Well, maybe that's a bit too dramatic.

* * *

The St. Mary's Orphanage for Girls was rather well taken care of, he mused. Its front entryway was tidy and clean, despite the ivy growing over some of the wrought-iron railing. (Those dreadful pamphlets the muggle government insisted on passing out seemed to be growing in number as the year went on. At this rate there would be war by the end of next year's summer.) Albus Dumbledore nodded in approval and knocked on the oak door. Smiling pleasantly at the young lady who answered the door, he said, "Hello, I have an appointment with a Mrs. Shan, who I believe is the matron?"

She blinked at his brick-purple velveteen suit and, with slight distaste, nodded. Stepping away from the door, she waved him through the door hesitantly.

"Ah yes, she's in her office now. I'll take you there." The two walked though the building in relative silence, though the woman occasionally greeted the orphans who pranced past them. Just as they reached the matron's office, the door opened and a dark haired girl stepped out. She smiled at his escort before dashing up the staircase down the hall. Dumbledore was quickly ushered into the room.

The matron was a small woman with a Cheshire cat's grin and a quietly snide personality to match. They chatted for a while about various pleasantries, and –reluctantly on his part– the growing disquiet over Germany's actions. When asked about the young Tian Riddle, she grinned and said "She's a bit of an odd one, but then...there aren't many girls who would rather be a prince than marry one." She guided him up the narrow staircase to the third floor, and then to room thirty-two. Mrs. Shan knocked and opened the door. "Tian," she greeted, "a Professor Albus Dumbledore is here to see you."

"I'm not crazy." The reply was automatic, as though the speaker had settled for people not believing her but couldn't make herself stop reminding them.

"We know. He works at a school, not a mental institution." She backed out of the doorway and waved Dumbledore forward with a wily smile.

He entered the room and smiled at the young girl inside. She was the one who had left the matron's office earlier, he realized. Tian had an attractive face, not a pretty one like most girls, but rather, a soft handsome one. Her hair was cut shorter than acceptable for a pureblood girl (who were expected to keep their hair at least a few inches longer than shoulder-length), and he was fairly certain that most mothers would suffer a nervous breakdown at the though of letting their daughters wear boy's clothes.

"Hello." Her voice was quiet and had a thread of curiosity. She watched with a bland expression as he took a seat at the small corner desk.

"Hello dear. My name is Albus Dumbledore," her expression shifted into a condescending look, "and I am here to inform you of your acceptance into Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"Witchcraft..."

Albus smiled at the girl's disbelieving tone and nodded once. She stared baldly at him, as those she could pluck the truth right from his head. A twinkle entered his eyes at the thought and, slowly, a twitch formed near the corner of Tian's left eye. Sparkly-eyed old men were creepy, she decided, creepy and annoying.

"I don't think I believe you."

"Perhaps a demonstration, then?" Dumbledore pulled out a thin pale stick –a wand, she figured– from his suit and flicked it at one of the dragon figurines she'd gotten as a present three years ago. Its yellow serpentine eyes blinked as it slowly came to life, eventually spotting her. It trilled an awkward happy noise at Tian as it scrambled across the windowsill. Before the dragon could try jumping to the bed, she picked it up the animate figurine up and let it crawl over her. The figurine settled on her shoulder with another trill. Purring loudly, it probed at her ear curiously.

"Alright, so magic exists and you want me to go to this...school of yours." She paused to pet the tiny dragon. "What am I supposed to do about tuition and all of that?"

"Hogwarts has a fund for those who are in need of financial aid." He replaced his wand, and pulled out a small bag of coins along with a letter. "You will be able to find all that you need at Diagon Alley."

Tian accepted the items and asked. "Can I bring Amelia to Hogwarts?"

"Amelia...?"

"She's a grass snake."

"I see." The young girl smiled knowingly at his surprised tone, and waited. "I don't see why not...provided that you inform your Head of House." Dumbledore glanced wearily around the room. Tian bit the inside of her lip to hold back a snicker at this. (Did he honestly think Amelia would jump out and attack him? The grass snake was much too lazy for that.) "And where is Amelia now?"

"She was hungry earlier, so she in the back garden I expect," she paused to twist a gold coin through her fingers. "Where is this alley?" Smiling indulgently, Dumbledore rose from his chair and said,

"If there is nothing you need to attend to today, we can head over there now as the entrance is only a few streets over. Dia– "

"I don't really need an escort, Professor, if it's that close. Oh! Is the entrance that strange pub that everyone seems to ignore?"

He blinked and nodded, "Uh, yes, that would be the Leaky Cauldron."

* * *

Edited: 02 January 2011


	2. Hogwarts

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the affiliated merchandise.

_**Please note**_ that the pervious chapter has been edited and expanded.

Author's Notes: Well, that was an unnecessarily long gap between updates. I'll do what I can to work on that. I've recently had the idea of doing a much more in-depth version of gender-switch!Tom Riddle, with a closer bases in canon but I can't decide if I want it to extend passed Hogwarts. Opinions? As always, please enjoy!

Warnings: very light femslash, borderline inappropriate student-teacher relationship

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**Venom and Cream**

_Hogwarts_

After Albus Dumbledore's visit to the orphanage, Tian spent the rest of her summer traveling back and forth between St. Mary's and Diagon Alley. She asked the various shopkeepers, and the occasional patron, every question she could think of –and some probably she shouldn't have. By August 31, Tian was, perhaps, the most well-informed student of her year. And so, it was with utter confidence that she packed up her things for the school year, said her goodbyes, and stepped onto the Hogwarts Express.

There were a few things that everyone she'd spoken to had forgotten to mention, apparently... Such as the level of obliviousness that the younger generation could reach, and their love of dramatics.

"...And then Auntie told us that the Lord Black was thinking of securing an older bride for his heir! Could you imagine, being married to a man _younger_ than you? I'd run off to elope with some rich foreigner." The girl, straightening her spine, tossed her hair over her shoulder with an imperious flick of the wrist.

Her friend sighed in a grand manner.

"Honestly Kathrynne, you're not looking at the bigger picture. It hardly matters that your husband would be younger; you would be the Lady Black! Just think! The entire Wizarding World looking to you for the next trend in high society..." The annoying twats looked conspiringly at each other, giggling behind their hands. Tian wished they would shut up.

It had been like this since the train ride had started. She'd settled near the last third of the train, and spent almost an hour watching her fellow students bid their families goodbye as she waited for the whistle to sound. It did, right at eleven; the students remaining on the platform scrambled onto the steam engine before it could leave them behind. Then they came in. The taller of the two wore full summer robes while Kathrynne only kept the outer robe and wore it over an urbane muggle dress. At first, they hadn't noticed her as they chit-chatted away.

Tian would have preferred it stay that way... But alas, it wasn't to be.

"How true! However...such a political marriage isn't very romantic," the girl looked at Tian out of the corner of her eye with a sly smile. "You have to admit, Jaqueline, there is something to be said about romance." (Ugh, no there _wasn't_.) Yet again, the two broke out into a giggling fit.

...especially since they seemed to think she was a boy.

That was simply insulting. Just because she wore trousers and kept her hair short (it was longer than she was used to now, though still much shorter than the lengthy manes of the two girls) didn't mean she _was_ a boy. Honesty!

If the rest of the Wizarding World was this stupid, there would be...issues.

"Oh! Did you hear about the Malfoys? Mother heard that they are beginning to decide on potential candidates for Abraxas's bride!"

"Really? And he's to be in our year too!"

That poor fool.

* * *

"Potter is being an imbecile again." Indeed he was. The self-righteous Gryffindor kept looking over at them, or rather Tian, with a leering expression. She never seemed to care what the other boy did, preferring to keep the stupidity down to a minimum by pretending to be oblivious.

"That's hardly worth noting Dolohov. Is the wolfsbane ready?" Antonin wished she would get angry about; she might demand then that something be done about the imbecile's behavior. He had a number of ideas that he was _sure_ she'd approve of.

"Yes," he sighed, than frowned. "Do you think he and his gang of idiots are planning something? They've made a point of doing something especially stupid every year around this time..." He glanced uneasily at Tian, which she ignored.

Abraxas Malfoy picked that opening to add his two kunts, "Most likely. You would have though he would have learned by now."

"Malfoy, focus on your potion before it explodes."

He blinked at her.

"Huh, you're mad at me again?"

"Focus Malfoy." The sharp edge to her voice made to the male Slytherins pale a little, but wasn't enough to curb Malfoy's ability to whine.

"She's made at me isn't she?"

Antonin rolled his eyes. "You are the one that put the idea in Potter's head. She's entitled to be irritated with you, I think." He glared to remind that younger boy just how much _he_ was angry about it. "The boomslag is ready."

"I didn't think he'd take me seriously!" Tian let out a low incensed hiss.

"_Malfoy!_ If you don't _pay attention_ to your bloody potion, I will use it to _burn your face __**off!**_" Pausing, she took a deep breath to regain the composure she'd lost. "...Please begin grinding the asphodel Dolohov."

"Yes madam." It was a simple and effective way of reaffirming their obedience, though the blond's voice was uncharacteristically meek.

Unfortunately, Professor Slughorn decided to remind them of his horrible timing.

"Ah, Miss Riddle, it is hardly proper to threaten your classmates." Trotting over to them, he paused at Tian's elbow, closer then strictly appropriate. Ever since the beginning of fourth year's second term, Slughorn's behavior around Tian an ill turn. If it wasn't for the fact that she had use for him, Tian would have had him cited for sexual harassment even if it meant going to _Dumbledore_ of all people for help.

"My apologizes Professor," she smiled thinly at him "but this draught is highly volatile if it isn't given apt attention, is it not?"

"That is true..." the Professor's eyes followed the line of her neck, and Antonin's wand hand twitched sporadically, "even so, please refrain from using threats to insure your classmates pay attention." Malfoy watched, transfixed as he abused the poor asphodel into submission in place of Slughorn. He barely held back a snarl.

"Oh course. It won't happen again." The older wizard turn away from the three, and continued his rounds around the room.

"I'm nearly done with the asphodel Tian. Is the crystal in yet?"

She turned to him and smiled, "It is. Now, about Potter..."

* * *

The working relationship between the Head Girl, Tian Morgana Riddle, and the Head Boy, Antonin Dolohov was much more efficient than any of the professors could have hoped for. (Especially since the other candidate for Head Boy was Charlus Potter; she would have killed him in his sleep.) They knew each other well enough that any arguments the two might have had were resolved before they even begun. For the first time in years, under their leadership, none of the prefects attempted to abuse their power and the usual animosity between prefects of rival houses was near none existence. (The prefects in question didn't have the heart to tell the professors that this good behavior was due to them being horribly afraid of Tian Riddle and the control she had over the heirs of various powerful pureblood families.)

One particularly romantic student liked the two to the Queen Victoria and her husband, the Prince Consort, Albert. (Her sister quietly told her to shut up. "Honestly, Riddle's ruling style is closer to Queen Elizabeth the First's. She has them strung by their b–" "That's enough Miss Bones!") The entirety of Slytherin was very grateful that Tian never caught wind of this. They didn't want to know what the fallout would be if she thought she was being mocked.

The private relationship between the two was another matter entirely. She was completely content to leave it as it was, with her as the master and Dolohov as the vassal. Antonin on the other hand...

"Just face it; if you haven't gotten her attention by now, you're never going to." Theodore Nott (the Second) was always fond of sharing his pessimism with those in need. The Slytherin lend back against the sofa. One of the perks of having both of the Heads be Slytherins was that they finally had a semi-secure room for meetings.

"Go jump off the North Tower."

"Is our lady King angry with you?"

"No, but...if you call me that again _Theo_, I'll castrate you." She smiled sweetly at their startled expressions. As she settled herself one of the overstuffed chairs, the rest of the group glanced wearily at each other. A smiling Tian was rarely a good thing. "Regardless, graduation will be soon. You've secured suitably subtle means of contacting me, yes?" They all nodded, than glanced at each other. Malfoy and Nott stared meaningfully at him, but he pretended not to notice.

Avery sneered at the three and said, "Tian, I don't mean to intrude but..." His hesitation was obvious. "Have...you found a place of residence?"

Everyone expected her to explode in rage but she continued smiling.

"Indeed. Speaking of," she flicked her eyes to Antonin, "is there any particular reason why Madam Dolohov would be extending an invitation to resided at her home?" They all froze. His face pale dramatically, and then flushed.

"Er, I, uh..." Unfortunately for him Nott recovered quickly.

"It might have something to do with him wanting to marry you."

Calamity ensured.

* * *

Ending Note: This was going to have a lot more femslash in it but Antonin threw himself in front of that train so... There you have it!


End file.
